Finding Perspective: At Least I'm Not Shopping for External Male Urinary Catheters

There are times in ones life where one can feel really sorry for oneself. 

Like when the most exciting thing you have going on in your week is the new 30 Rock on Thursday night.

(although, in this example, lets not downplay how exciting this really is!!!)

(... and yes, I am obsessed with this show.)

But then you have moments where you realize 

that things really aren’t that bad. 

My mom left me a long rambling phone message 

this weekend. 

(now I see where I get that tendency.)

This was the gist of it:

She had wondered where I was in the blogospere, and was glad to see me back. 

(translation: You never tell me about these things, and if I ask you all you do is get mad at me, so I’m glad to know what is going on.)... (True story. Sorry, Mama. Love you). 

She continued, “We do weird things in our lives, 

and I’m so sorry you have to have this weird thing. 

Although it’s interesting...

I wish none of us had these weird things."

"Consider this," she said. "While you’re doing that online, I was online trying to find an external male urinary catheter. 

There are hundreds of them. 

I’ve watched multiple videos of how to put them on, how to make them work, how to make them not leak,” 

and on and on and on she went.

About the in home help nurse, and external male urinary catheters.  

“So think of this,” she ended.

“Male external urinary catheters versus fielding strange males online. 

The commonality is the male that is the strange part.”

And so I choose to change my outlook, in this moment. 

Because watching 30 Rock alone is a hell of a lot better than having to learn how to use an external male urinary catheter.

To my Mama: Maybe you should start watching 30 Rock to counterbalance?...  : )  xoxo

What I Want...

Thank you, Liz Lemmon. 

I couldn't have 

said it better myself. 

Really? No, seriously. Really?

Now, I'm sure this fellow is well meaning. I'm sure he is a decent guy. I'm sure he will make some dear girl very happy, and I'm sure that dear girl is not me. Because getting an email like this, as I did yesterday, I think, "Really?"

"I could start out with something like, if you stood in front of a mirror and held up 11 roses, you would see 12 of the most beautiful things in the world. Although this is very true it is only temporary and I want something that’s going to last. So I will go with a different approach. To win a girls heart I believe you have to let her know that you are interested and that you want to get to know her on a very personal level. Right now I am making that eye contact with you and giving you that smile from across the room. If you are looking for something different, something extraordinary all you have to do is take the next step. Look forward to hearing from you."

I just can't take it seriously. 


Could you?

And now, for my next trick... I will DISAPPEAR!!

You haven’t heard from me for awhile.


Forgive me.

While it may seem that perhaps I was completely fed up with the whole thing, consider this 2nd option- perhaps it was just an elaborate demonstration of a strange phenomenon that happens in the online dating world.

The Disappearing Act. 

This has happened many many times.

Here are some examples of the Deapearing Act:

I had an email exchange with one fellow. In his 3rd email he said, “It seems like we have a lot in common. I would love to meet you in person and get to know you better.” I responded with a, “Great!” and gave my phone number and real email address, saing I hoped to hear from him soon. Then...Didn’t hear from him... Didn’t hear from him... A week went by. So I went to his profile to send him another email- a kind of a last attempt nudge. And his profile no longer existed. Poof! he was gone, never to be heard from again.

Another one, asked if I was on Facebook. He friended me (which means he could read this post and maybe GET A CLUE!) but then never communicated with me again. No more emails, no Facebook chats, not so much as a “like” on a status update.

One of them would chat me up on the dating site’s Instant Messaging feature all the time, friended me on Facebook, played multiple games of Words With Friends with me, got my number and texted me multiple times, but never actually spoke to me in real life, and never said he wanted to meet me. This went on for weeks. And then all of a sudden- silence. No texts, games, IM’s- nothing.

The most recent one had my number. We had emailed a ton, we had talked on the phone, and we even had plans to meet. But then he had to go out of town for work, so we couldn't go out. I expected that he would call me when he got back into town, but a week went by with no contact. So I sent him a text. He was in California for work, and had said previously that he wasn't that impressed with the state as a whole. (strike #1). 
But lets be honest, in my case beggers can't be choosers. 

So I texted him and said, "Did CA swallow you up? Or perhaps you realized the benefits of CA and decided to stay there forever?" 
Which he should absolutely know is code for, "Hey, I haven't heard from you since you got back. Are we ever going out?" 

Am I right?

His response: "The benefits of CA could include free chocolate for life, and I still wouldn't want to live there. The main problem is the state is full of Californians ;)"(strike 2 for sure!!)

And I haven't hear from him since. (strike 3!!!)

These examples don’t even count the many one timers- I get one email from them, reply, and then there is never a response. 

It is very mysterious, this disappearing act, and I have yet to figure out the reason for this dark magic. 

But do not fret. 

My demonstration is over.
My disappearing act is done.


I will now take a bow, and move on to my next trick...   

Enlightenment

Finally. 

I now understand why the Universe was holding out on me in the man department.

I could not very well marry anyone until this happened:

Until Anthropologie created a wedding line. 

I mean, am I right?

VALENTINE

I actually received a 

VALENTINE

today. 

Thank you, Luke.

It was not just good- it was GREAT!!

(because I'm watching the Bachelor and then going to bed at 9 pm...)

2nd Date

I had a great second date this past week. 


We actually went out three times.


So I had a good time not once, not twice, but THRICE. (anyone else been watching Conan?)


True Confession:  I haven't had a second date since Veronica Mars was still on t.v...


We went to see True Grit, and saw 2 plays.


We laughed.


We cried.


Well, not really on the crying. 


(For him, anyways. I cried when the horse died in True Grit. (spoiler alert!) 


Did I mention that it was my Brother-In-Law?


My sister was busy being Stage-Mom extraordinaire. 


So he and I were buddies for the past week, going to several activities and events. 


It was good to remember that good, fun, normal men exist. 


Even if they've been married to your oldest sister for 20 years. 


It isn't an urban legend or myth.


Because I know at least one.

Thanks for the fun, David!!