Where did I get to this point, you may ask?

The point of online dating??

I ask myself the same question.

Daily.

I think it’s origin can be traced back to one person...

Zane Lee Christiansen.

I was in 6th grade.

I was 11.

I was in love.

It was the first year of Junior High, a difficult time for any small child.

An exerpt from my journal at the time says something to this effect:

“Dear Diary,

There are 2 horrible things happening right now. #1. Zane has a Girlfriend! #2. My parents are getting a Divorce. Now back to #1!! I can’t believe Zane has a girlfriend!!!”

(That excerpt could be analyzed as the root of my problems for many different reasons, but lets stick to Zane for this particular analysis, shall we?)

He was in my grade at school, and in my class at church. I knew everything about him because of church. I knew his birthday. I knew his home address. I knew his phone number. I would get my older sister to do drive by’s in front of his house. I would duck down so he wouldn’t see me (never mind that we were driving my Dad’s HUGE Cadillac that had the license plate “BEITLER”- not too discreet).

The problem was that I never spoke to the boy.

Then one day it happened.

We were in church. It was time to sit down, to get ready for the lesson and songs. I was wearing a long sleeved knit red dress. He tapped me on the arm. I turned, and was completely dumbfounded.

Zane Lee Christiansen had tapped ME on the arm. HE had something to say to ME!

Me: turning towards him, expectantly.

Zane: “Are you the teacher?”

Me: pause ................... “No” ...................

Zane: Turns away, looking for the teacher.

Me: Still dumbfounded, but for completely different reasons.

It had never occurred to me that I was 2 heads taller than him. That I looked 14 or 15. It had also never occurred to me that he truly had no idea who I was. After all my drive by’s! My prank calls! My pointed staring longingly across the playground, across the pews!

Needless to say, insecurity and doubt came creeping in with regards to the opposite sex.

And here I am, 20 years later, still hoping that one of these cyber geeks will tap me on the arm.