Dumbledore

On the dating site I am patronizing, you can put a quote by your profile that people will see alongside your picture. 

This is my quote:

"Let us step out into the night and pursue that flighty temptress, adventure."

I also have this picture up with my profile.

I had a really cute guy write to me, and ask where the great quote came from.

I answered, and said, "The quote came from none other than the amazing Professor Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, chief Wizard of the Wizengamot, and one of the greatest literary characters ever."

Are you shocked that I never heard from him again? 

Are you shocked that I even do online dating?

Hope you all enjoyed watching the last in the Harry movie installments this past weekend, with it's DVD release. I know I did. 

Sometimes I get this song stuck in my head:

 

Again, aren't you shocked that I'm online?

ROI

ROI

We talk a lot about a Return On Investment (ROI) at my job. 

Are you getting a good enough return for the energy and resources you are investing in any given project?

This has caused me to think about my Dating ROI. 

Most of my past, and rather large, investments had little to no return.

• My marathon crush in Junior High, where I think we spoke all of two times, but I loved him for 2 years.
• Writing a guy letters for 2 full years in High School, back and forth, and then having one date with him.
• Spending 2 full years in college with the same friend, thinking that all of a sudden we would miraculously be more than just friends. (We didn’t). 
• Spending about 2 years, and who knows how much money (that I would much rather be spending elsewhere) on online dating subscriptions with little to show for it. 

(I’m actually sensing a theme in my time investments- 2 years!! No wonder I’m still single...)

Looking up the idea of ROI on Wikipedia gave me this:

And just looking at that gave me this:

Sorry about that.

So anyways...

This week’s Newsweek had a cover story called “Money Brain: The New Science Behind Your Spending Addiction.”  

This cover spoke to me for obvious reasons... 

The basic idea is that the brain is wired differently for people who want instant gratification versus those who plan and save, specifically in parts of the brain that “predict consequences.”  Those who are savers are those who can see long term benefits more- they see the future rewards.

They say that people who are spenders, not savers, are “neither stupid nor irrational [Thank you, Newsweek!!] but often simply don’t accurately foresee the consequences of not saving.”  

“Rewire the brain to find pleasure in future rewards,” Newsweek says, “and you’re on the path to a future you really want.” 

A professor at Claremont Graduate School (shout out, mama!! That’s where her PhD is from!) says that “If you defer gratification, the pay off can be greater than with immediate gratification... But your brain has to learn that.”  He also says that “a squirt of the hormone oxytocin- known as the “love hormone” because of the role it plays in pair bonding and maternal behavior- makes people more patient.” 

Reading this article, I’ve realized that my brain’s ventral striatum and medial prefrontal cortex are, obviously, not wired for instant gratification in matters of the heart. Over the years it has learned to wait, and I am wired to see the future rewards when it comes to love. I see that certain special someone,that Oxytocin comes a pumping into my blood stream, and BOOM- I can wait out anything.

And perhaps that is why I have absolutely no self control when it comes to my shopping addictions. Every action has an equal and opposite reaction, after all. I may not be able to wait for that sweater at Anthropologie, but when it comes to a man, my patience is staggering. 

It may just be my ventral striatum talking here, but I think that future love payoff- when I do finally get it- is going to be amazing. 

Dodgers and Journey and other things

Please, hit play while you read this for an incredibly interactive experience...

People are so well intended when they talk to me about being single. 

I know they mean well. 

I do.

But sometimes, their well intended remarks are not that helpful. 

Take this example:

I was recently talking to my sister about the general frustrations of my current predicament. I was telling her that it is so frustrating, that I’m fed up, that I put it out to the Universe that I wanted a man, but that I’m ready to take it all back because it drives me crazy, and nothing is happening. 

My sister said, “Linda! You can’t give up!!” 

And then started singing a lovely (hehe) rendition of Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believin’”.

“It’s like the Dodgers game we went to!” She said. 

And she told me this story...

Her and her husband had attended a Dodgers game last Spring. They live in LA, and thought it would be a fun local thing to participate it. Regardless of the fan enthusiasm, the team was losing, and losing badly. So finally, after the 7th inning stretch, they decided it was time to leave, as the ending was inevitable. 

They got up and were walking towards the exit, when they passed a little man, decked out in full Dodgers regalia, standing on his seat, and singing at the top of his lungs, “DON’T STOP BELIEVING!...HOLD ON TO THIS FEE-EE-EEELING!!”  

He made eye contact with them, and said, “Don’t leave! Don’t stop believing!!” and continued to sing the song, while dancing and waving his giant foam finger. 

But they had a baby sitter to get home to, and didn’t think there was any hope at all, and  so they continued to leave the stadium, with the man singing behind them, fading into the background. 

“Wow!” I said to her. “So the Dodgers ended up winning the game?”  Because isn’t that where one would assume this motivational story is headed?

“Well, no,” she said. “...They lost horribly.”

“That is THE worst story I’ve ever heard!” I yelled at her. “Why would you tell me that story? The team LOST!”

“But the little guy didn’t give up!”

“But they LOST!”

“Yeah... They did. But it is just such a good song!”

So I think the moral of this story is you can get through anything in life if you have the right music playing in the background. Perhaps Journey wouldn't be your first choice. 

But really, it is just such a good song...

Bone Crushing Hugs...

Today all I can think is this:

IHATETHISIHATETHISIHATETHISIHATETHISIHATETHISIHATETHISIHATETHISIHATETHISIHATETHISIHATETHISIHATETHISIHATETHISIHATETHISIHATETHISIHATETHISIHATETHISIHATETHISIHATETHISIHATETHISIHATETHISIHATETHISIHATETHISIHATETHISIHATETHIS........

The other day I was leaving my sister's house in the late evening.
My 7 year old Nephew came running down the driveway after me. 
"Linda!" He shouted. "Linda!! WAIT!"
I quickly got out of my car.
"What?!" I thought he surely must be hurt to come running after me like that.
"Linda!" He cried, as if his heart would break. "You didn't hug me goodbye before you left!"
(I know, right?)
And then, as he wrapped his arms around me, and gave me a bone crushing bear hug, he whispered in my ear, "When am I going to see you again?" (as if I don't see him 3-4 times a week, which I do...)
"I don't know," I told him. "But I know it will be soon."
He pulled away and nodded. His face said, it isn't tomorrow, and you aren't staying now, but I will accept the difficulties of my 7 year old life that I don't get to see you all the time. 

As I drove away, I was struck by the fact that no other of the male species has perhaps ever shown such enthusiasm to spend time with me. 


In the world of Online Dating, it takes energy and game playing like you wouldn't believe to get to the point of actually hanging out with these guys. 
And then there are the ones that you already know, and have hung out with. And want to hang out with more. And they are IMPOSSIBLE to nail down.


I've said it before, but it bears repeating. 
What am I looking for in a man? 
Unabashed Adoration.
Someone who will run after me down the driveway, begging to see me again, giving bone crushing hugs, wanting to be with me. 


I know, I know... It doesn't exist... 


Ok. So let's qualify this...


Howabout someone that just says to me, "Linda, I'd really like to spend some time with you." 
And then they do.


Yes. 


That would be just as good.

Change of Pace

My mother is afraid that I am too negative and judgmental and mean.

And I have had many people ask me if I’ve ever actually had any good dates in all of my   ridiculous experiences. 

So, for a change of pace, here are some great dates I’ve had:

• Gone with the Wind and Phish Food ice cream.
• Lagoon Frightmares
• The Tango @ Murray Arts Center
• A movie in the park and Bob Seiger blasting

These dates span the last decade of my life. And, sadly, they are close to the only good dates I’ve had. And I have learned, in my blogging life, that I am not good at giving as many scruitinizig details when I actually have emotion involved. So the bullets are all you get for info. 

But- you may be asking yourself, what made these dates so great?

What is Linda Marie’s criteria?

There is one common denominator. 

These were all guys that I already had interest in that said, “Her! I pick her!” 

And they actually asked me out.

I have had a LOT of set ups in my time- the kind of set ups that keep you up at night wondering how the person who set you up must really feel about you to think you would be compatible with that particular doofus.  And some of them have been ok. But none of them have been great. 

Because there is nothing better than thinking, “this awesome guy wants to go out with ME!” 

Now, obviously, these dates didn’t pan out to be much more than a blip on my time/love-line. 

But I remember feeling totally and completely twiterpated with all of them. 

And that is what makes a great date. 

852

(my main profile picture)

In the short time I’ve been back on, the website has informed me that my profile has been viewed 852 times!! 

852!!! 

Out of those 852 I have recieved 20 emails. 

Out of those 20 emails I’ve replied to 5.

Out of those 5 I’ve received 2 responses.

Out of those 2 responses...

Well, lets just say that the next 852 better bring their “A” game. It’s not looking very promising thus far. 

(patience, Linda...)

One guy wrote to me, “This is kind of random......but you have an amazing smile.”

Which is funny, because out of the 20 emails I received, 15 said, “You have a great smile!” 

So originality isn’t the strong suit of these fellows. 

I emailed him back and said, “Really? Is it that random?”.... I haven’t heard back. 

Oops, I did it again...

Oops, I did it again...

It has been almost 6 months since I ended my various online subscriptions.

And I had quite the summer, let me tell you.

I had an almost relationship.

An almost relationship is- well, it is exactly what it sounds like. 

So close... but no cigar. 

And really, this boy has ruined me forever. Why, you ask? 

Well.

At the beginning of the summer I said to a dear friend of mine, “You know what? If this is what my life is going to be, I think I’m okay with that. I have a pretty happy life. I don’t need no stinkin’ man!!” 

And then this fellow came along and almost happened. 

And then nothing was fully realized.

Except that I fully realized that I was so full of it. I was absolutely delusional when I said that to my friend.

Because once confronted with the possibility of perhaps maybe almost having a man in my life, I realized that while I don’t need one, I sure would like one. 

A week or so ago one of my sisters said, “But Linda- is this particular guy keeping you from other guys?” with a tone of caution and worry. (because he is still around at times, and still not happening...)

“No!” I said, indignantly. 

But the thing is, and here is the real tragedy, there are no other guys. 

Because stripped of my online arsenal of man toys, the well was once again running dry in my dating world. 

And because this relationship was/is still almost, but not, in a fit of frustration I went home and reenlisted.

I am now one week in on my second tour of duty. Joining the ranks of the millions of hopeful (hopeless?) singles out there. 

And guess what- If I hated it the first time, I DESPISE it this time.

How in the world did I do this for a YEAR last time? How did I stand it? How did I put up with the fools, the d-bags, the septuagenarians that really shouldn’t be allowed to contact me EVER in this context? HOW????

And then I remembered. I made fun of every second. I wrote to the world about every fool, dingbat, lunatic, git out there. 

And so, here I go again. Armed, as I was last time, with snark and wit, and not much else.

As I write this I may or may not be blasting Brittany. And I may or may not be thinking how I should have spent the money on Netflix instead of online dating. And I may or may not still be wishing that what almost was, just was...

But whatever it is I am or am not doing, I am giving it another go...