Holiday Stalking

Sometimes I get myself into the most ridiculous situations. Especially, it seems, when it has to do with dating.  I feel like I'm living an episode of 30 Rock, Parks and Recreation or the Mindy Project. You may watch these lovely lady protagonist heroes of mine and think, thats ridiculous, that would NEVER happen, where I think, OMG I had something similar happen to me!!
It is a good thing I have a good sense of humor, or heaven help me...

And somehow, even though I haven't been on a proper date for about 6 months, my dating life has caught up with me in graduate school.

So lets just get something out in the open. We ALL internet stalk people. Don't tell me you've never looked up an old flame, a new crush, a co-worker, a boss. If you hear a story about someone, the FIRST thing you do is google them. You find them on Instagram. You look them up on Facebook to compare shared friends. If you say you've never done this, you are lying. You have. We ALL have. It is basically why the internet was invented.  Ask Al Gore.

So.

Internet stalking.

You do it. I do it.  WE DO IT!

It's done.

And now let's set the scene:

Class, a few minutes before it is set to start, girl trying too hard to become friends with a group member.

LINDA: Hey! So I was internet stalking this guy last night, because sometimes I'm just curious what he's up to, and he was traveling abroad, and I guess he was there visiting some girl, and so I looked her up on Facebook, and guess what, she's friends with you!! It looks like you guys had pictures together YEARS ago. Isn't that funny? Small world.

HIM:...Wait... Like traveling abroad, where?

LINDA: Oh, to Europe*. (*it wasn't Europe...)

HIM: Europe*?... O.M.G!!! You were internet stalking Bob**!! (**his name's not Bob).

LINDA:(backpedal...backpedal...) How do you know Bob**??

HIM: How do YOU know Bob**??

And then, to top it all off...

HIM: I'm really good friends with Betty***. (***her name's not Betty.), who Bob** is visiting. 

LINDA: Like how good of friends?

HIM:  We Skype several times a week....


I don't get embarrassed easily. When you are as ridiculous as I am as often as I am you learn to laugh at yourself.  I've fallen out of my chair now THREE TIMES in one of my classes. But in this moment I felt my cheeks getting hot...

Because I knew he was going to tell Betty***
and Betty would tell Bob**
and PLEASE DON'T TELL BOB**!!!!!
WHY are all my most ridiculous situations connected to BOB**!!??

A week or so later, me and my new Graduate School Buddy were studying at his house. His phone sat between us on a speaker doc, playing nice ambient music as we tried to figure out pivot tables and other statistical charts. And then his phone rang. And as one does, when a cell phone rings in front of you, I looked at it.

It was Betty***.
Calling my Graduate School Buddy.
Over FaceTime.
From Europe*.

"Don't answer it!!" I said, the mortification flooding over me again.

He looked at me with a wicked grin, as he answered her call. He proceeded to say hello, and then turn the phone towards me as he said, "Look who's here!!"

I smiled too big, and said hello too enthusiastically. "We're just here doing homework!" I said, in a voice about an octave higher than my usual register.

Here's the thing. She was so cute. And nice. And, truth be told, she and I have SEVEN mutual friends on Facebook, from such different and random places, all people I really like, and I know if I ever met her in real life I would be her friend. But I didn't want to meet her in that moment. I didn't want to like her in that moment.  In that moment I was MORTIFIED.

She said hello, and he turned the phone back around to chat with her saying, "That's my friend, Linda. She know's Bob**!!"

I don't know if Betty*** or Bob** ever found out about my internet scouring.

However, I haven't internet stalked Bob**, or anyone, since.

Or maybe I have just learned not to tell anyone about it.